Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Halloween, Part 1


It's that time of year again. There's a chill in the air, the kids are back in school, you've had your Labor Day picnic. It must be time for unsolicited soft-core porn Halloween catalogs.

I love Halloween in the way only a kid who grew up in a candy-free home can. I even love candy corn. Strangely, I never put the candle in the jack-o-lantern and think, "Well, it's time to put on my undees and wander 'round the neighborhood." Judging by the contents of my recycling bin, however, many people are having just this thought.

Take for instance this "Junior Saloon Girl," AKA Wild West sexworker. Is she on her way to a Take Back the Night Slutwalk? No, I'm thinking she got the memo that Halloween in America has some very specific rules.

Rule 1.     Little Girls celebrate Halloween in summertime. Thus all costumes for girls are required to be sleeveless, by law. Whether you are a Leopard Ballerina, Circus Clown or Princess Belle, you must show your arms.

Rule 2.     Little Boys celebrate Halloween in the fall. Which is when it arrives in my neighborhood, too. Lucky for them, their costumes keep them warm on chilly October nights.

Rule 3.     Girls' skirts must not cover the knees. For safety, obviously. And accuracy - ladybugs, cats and candy corn have knees, of course.
Rule 4. Girls' and boys' costumes are never interchangeable. Hello, separate but equal. You should look into it.


Rule 5. It is never too early to begin preparing your daughter for a career as a Hooters waitress.
Or a peacock. Or a cheshire cat. (Yes, these are really teen costumes for a waitress, peacock and "cheshire cat." I know, WTF?)
Who in the world is buying this stuff for their daughters? Because every magazine carries it, so it must be selling. Please, parents, stand up and let us all shame you now.
Nobody's gonna cop to buying fishnets in size 4/6?
Okay, let me just quote the American Psychological Association, then.

Girls’ relationships with boys and men are affected in that exposure to sexualizing and objectifying media has been shown to relate to girls’ and boys’ views on dating, boys’ sexual harassment of girls, and attitudes toward sexual violence.

So, knock it off! And October 31st is no time for adults to start leaving the house dressed like pole dancers, either. No, not even if you've been hitting the gym like a beast lately.
Because if you seize on the flimsiest pretext to treat yourself like a sex object, so will everyone else.
Today's $5 goes to Girls For a Change, which works to instill confidence and positive self-image by pairing teen girls with mentors to identify social problems and bring about change in their communities. Hats off to you, ladies!

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